Not so sweet home Alabama & #Coronavirus

Dear you,

I am looking at the news and a map of The United States, checking out which states have no reported cases of the Coronavirus.  Alabama is one of those states.  Good for them!  However, I have a theory about that lucky zero.  It leads to a story about last week . . .

My sorority reunion (don’t ask) was set to be held in Fairhope, Alabama, just under three hours via car from Seagrove Beach.  Since I am still looking for the perfect place to live and buy a cool house, I decided to attend the reunion and check out small town real estate while there.  The challenge was finding a place that accepted pets during my stay.  Yes, my feline could not be left behind!  After Googling galore, I found a Bed and Breakfast by Mobile Bay, close to everything and pet friendly.  I booked a week, looking forward to a break from “here”.  Even if the reunion was tragic and I did not find the ultimate house, I would enjoy being away.


The day of the journey, I loaded up my darling car with all kinds of cat things.  Like traveling with a child.  I made sure I had tons of her favorite foods, her giant scratching toy, litter box, toys, etc.  Then, I packed her in the carrier, placed her in the front passenger seat (cats love riding shotgun) and headed to Alabama. 
  

And then I arrived in Fairhope and discovered my B & B was a nightmare:

      1.  I was greeted by two insane, barking dogs in the check-in area.

      2.  My assigned cottage reeked of mildew and desperation.

      3. Beyond creepy 19^th century photos of dead people adorned the walls.

      4. The kitchenette was stocked with dirty glasses and a filthy coffee maker.

      5.  The bathroom . . . I just can’t go there because I’ll have nausea flashbacks.

Whatever.  I was tired and decided to just deal with it.  I turned on the TV and after changing from the pre-programmed Fox Cable News channel to MSNBC I heard the news:

The state of Alabama had just executed an innocent man on death row, Nathaniel Woods. You know the story. 

Hating Alabama, I went out to purchase food and cold beer to smooth my edges, which prompts the continuation of the above nightmare list:

      6. Piggly Wiggly has a salad bar you might want to avoid unless you like flies with your lettuce.

      7.  Driving back to the B & B, I was stuck in a traffic jam, a traffic jam in Fairhope, Alabama.

      8.  After the jam, I passed a big old house with a big old Confederate flag in the yard.

      9.  Back at the B & B, the heater barely worked, and the cold beer did not work either.

Kitty Vivo meowed under the bed while I covered the creepy photos with stained “complimentary” bath towels. Surrender and sleep, Joyce.  And I did.  (After a torturous attempt to shower in the nausea flashback inducing bathroom.)   Tomorrow is another day . . .

10. And that day began with the sound of sledgehammers and bulldozers right by the bedroom wall!  This, at 7 AM!!!  Construction right next door!  Something I think most decent B & B owners would alert their guests about.

Fuck this nonsense. 

I ditched the reunion, the real estate showings, and the fantasy vacation.  I packed the car, grabbed the kitty, and got the hell out of Alabama.


I did not stop until I crossed the Florida line.  I did that with a smile.


Now, about my theory and the virus reports.  I am pretty sure no cases are showing in Bama because no one from the outside world wants to go there.  Hence, they perhaps will avoid contagion. 

Unless you are attending Auburn University (an island of wonderful in the middle of that mess) or doing business in Birmingham (notably at their fine medical center), just don’t go there.


Put a big red X on the map, something that mirrors their state flag, as pictured above.

So, they say you can’t go home again.  That is not true.  You can.  However, if Alabama is the state of your birth and you have managed to get out, I suggest you don’t go back. 

Love,

Joyce

XO