Monday, August 3, 2020

Am I Drunk or Is This Really Happening?


Dear you,

Earth 2 existence continues to be a shock and not so awesome experience.  Muddle headed, I needed to blog something, having missed last week's entry due to constant tourist nonsense.  I certainly have my pick of topics from the (surreal) headlines, confirming my suspicion that Earth 2 craziness has gone global.  Is what I am reading/hearing real or have I mistakenly clicked on www.theonion.com, our favorite satirical news source?  What the hell is going on? 

Examine the following headlines.  Tell me which is real and which is Onion fare.

1. “Animal Rights Group Offers $5,000 Reward for Information on Who Put ‘Trump 2020’ Sticker on a Bear”

2. “Federal Agents Drive 3 Hours Away from Portland Before Realizing Abducted Protester Still in Backseat”

3. “The FDA’s List of Dangerous Hand Sanitizers Has Now Grown to More than 100”

4. “Ron DeSantis Cuts Phone Line Outside Nursing Home So No One Can Report Coronavirus Data”

5. “Man Loses Penis to Infection, Doctor Builds New One on Arm”

6. “Federal Troops Tear-Gas Yankees Off Field So Trump Can Throw Out First Pitch”

7. “Forget the Friendly Skies, Fight Breaks Out on Flight Between Drunk and Maskless Passengers”

8. “Knowledge That It Could Kill Him Actually Making Man Appreciate Day at Disney World A Lot More”

                                                                *****************

How did you do on the TRUE/FALSE test?

Yes, headlines 1, 3, 5 and 7 are TRUE.  Headlines 2, 4, 6, and 8 are FALSE.  And every single one of them is possible.  Hence, my muddled head.

Meanwhile, as I type, Trump is giving a word-salad news conference.  (“The China Virus” . . . “Governor DeSantis is great” . . . “telehealth is incredible”), the “guests” downstairs seem to be body slamming the walls, and MY HAND SANITIZER IS GOING TO KILL ME!

It’s all breaking news in a broken world . . .

Inhale, exhale, and carry on 😊

Love, Joyce

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