Hands off my menthol, dear FDA!

 

Dear you,

The FDA recently announced its plan to ban menthol cigarettes.  The menthol additive masks the harsh taste of tobacco; it is minty fresh and delicious.  I have been smoking menthol cigarettes for almost fifty years.  I only smoke menthols.  The non-menthols are just groce, very smelly and not delicious.  If my menthol Capris are gone, banned forever, I will not simply shift to the “hard” stuff.  I will simply lose my mind.

Look, times are trying.  I live in Florida.  I need my menthol treats here more than anywhere.  You know my governor, lovingly called DeathSantis.  His latest stunt was to criminalize protesting and forgive anyone who happened to mow a protester down with her/his car.  Check out a recent interview with the governor and a Polk County Sheriff.  That dude was all giddy about the fascist bill since Florida should be, I don’t know, a place without politics or reality.  Sheriff Grady Judd said “welcome to Florida, there’s a reason that this place is fun.”  Yes, really fun, Grady.  It is really fun to live in a state where new felonies are made-up out of the blue, magically, like at Disney World.  Our new felony crime is called “aggravated rioting”.  Well, if I am rioting, I am probably pretty aggravated about something.

I also need my menthol chill to handle some reactions to the conviction of Derek Chauvin for the murder of George Floyd.  Finally, a step towards justice.  Who would disagree?  Fox News and Tucker Carlson, of course. Tucker called public support for George Floyd an “attack on civilization”.  To him, the trial was not fair, the jury was swayed by fear of riots in the streets if they did not convict Chauvin.  This racist lunatic has his own television show, prime time, with millions of addicted viewers, high on white supremacy.  That drug is probably way more dangerous than a lifetime of inhaling menthol.

And then there is this, Idaho is now expanding efforts to slaughter the wolf population.  They already have a bounty on these creatures, but that incentive hasn’t prompted enough murder for hire response.  The state now has a year-round wolf hunting season, and they are calling in “contractors” to reach their goal of killing 90% of the wolf population. The motive, to protect the interests of agriculture and cattle ranchers.  We aren’t just talking about a clean shot to the head and dead.  We are talking about trapping these animals too.  Beyond awful.  I really don’t need an Idaho-grown burger that badly.  And I will give up Idaho French fries too.  Just let the wolves be.

And don't take my menthol.

In summation, dear FDA, please don’t ban my delicious Capri Menthol Delights because . . .  Florida.  Tucker Carlson.  Idaho.  Do it, and you might be in for a lot of aggravated rioting.

Time to light up and lawyer up :)

Love,

Joyce