Friday, February 18, 2022

Tweeting Under The Influence


 Dear you,

This new year is looney, loonier than even I expected.  And while the barrage of heavy news and jaw-dropping examples of far-right madness make me want to evacuate somewhere, I don't know exactly where that sane place might be.  This is, after all, global in nature.  Worldwide lunacy is the new pandemic.  See it and hear it loud on "The Twitter".  I am not referring to lucid reports of crazy behavior provided by journalists (like Joy Reid reporting on the fascist rules being codified in not so free Florida), but reactions to those reported events.  Sometimes I wish everyone would just shut the hell up.  Even me.  Time for a little Tweeting restraint.  How about counting to ten before you hit "post"?  Hear that, Charlie Kirk?  We are all still scratching our heads about your assessment of the Super Bowl Halftime show as "sexual anarchy".  Well, I cannot school Charlie.  But I can school myself, or try to, before publishing my random lunacy. (Which I am doing right now anyway.) For example, I COULD HAVE tweeted the following:

@Evangelicals - Quit moaning about how betrayed you feel because some of your far-right members are acting so not Christlike.  What is wrong with you?  What is up with all the hand wringing and pearl clutching?  Your former friends in the faith are cult members.  You joined a crappy club and bought into a silly mission.  Let it go, snowflake.  Go feed the hungry or something.  #ShutTheHellUp.

@WalmartVisionCenter - Could you please fire Gigi?  After my exam and obvious diagnosis as near-sighted (still after all these years), why on earth was she trying to sell me fucking READERS??  Can she not understand the words "glasses for driving and distance vision only"?  And even after that finally sunk in, Gigi inquired about my need for glasses while using my laptop.  AGAIN, Gigi, glasses for driving and distance only.  What, she thinks my arms are thirty feet long and I am typing while seated on the other side of the living room?   And I really don't need her to wish me "a blessed day" when I storm out of the store. Gigi needs to #ShutTheHellUp.

@GovRonDeSantis - You are an unimaginable bastard. I hate your hair.  #ShutTheHellUp.

@BravoTV - God in heaven, would you please please please stop showing the worst movies ever over and over and over again.  How many times do I have to watch Adam Sandler act like a moron or Reese Witherspoon convert back to her Confederate ways?  And that Andy Cohen shade-show at night where he revels in people trashing each other, I know he OWNS the channel, but he needs to #ShutTheHellUp.

@CollegeAlumDepartment - I am not giving you any more money. I earned my degree.  You can't take it back.  Quit harassing me like a Trump University sales rep.  Your emails are an egregious insult to my intelligence.  See?  I learned some words at your University.  I am, however, not interested in hearing yours, so #ShutTheHellUp.

@CharlieKirk - What the hell is sexual anarchy?  Were you referring to those hot people dancing or Snoop Dog's geriatric jogging outfit? You need to install a "bad tweet" blocker button on your phone and stay in your Fox News lane.  And you know what?  Sexual Anarchy actually sounds pretty fabulous.  Give me sexual anarchy or give me death.  That's right!  I am WOKE to the potential of sexual anarchy, so you need to just #ShutTheHellUp.

@TheJoyceFleming - Stop ranting.  You sound like a lunatic.  #ShutTheHellUp.

Done.

Love,

Joyce

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