Florida Follies, Blob Save Us!

(Oh dear god, don't let that happen.)

Dear you,

Cognitive dissonance continues in the Sunshine State.  We have survived several weeks of spring breakers with more coming, and they are all (Miami Beach chaos aside) so very happy!  Why not?  Up here in the Panhandle the weather is lovely, breezy and not too hot.  We don't have news stands featuring publications with high-anxiety producing headlines.  The free weeklies you might see only aim to convert (church ads) and tempt you to drop a few dollars (family friendly restaurants happy to seat your party of fifty). Florida doesn't want you to worry your little head about a thing!

I don't get it. Why aren't intelligent tourists boycotting this state? Things aren't as heavenly as they seem despite the big sell:

Visit Florida!  Where the governor responds to being called sanctimonious by Trump saying he doesn't even know what that word means.  Yes, he said that.  The governor currently eviscerating education doesn't know basic vocabulary.

Visit Florida!  Where the "Don't Say Gay" mandate is being expanded to include ALL public school grades. Yes, your seventeen year old will have no "schooling" about Oscar Wilde, Walt Whitman, Storme DeLarverie, Harvey Milk, Alan Turing, Freddie Mercury, King David, Alexander the Great, Sappho of Lesbos, Michelangelo, etc. etc. etc.  Well, at least they will know something about RuPaul if they stream TV.

Visit Florida! Where a bunch of wrinkly old white dudes and servile old white chicks are pushing a law that guarantees there will be no discussion of a female's menstrual cycle until the 6th grade.

Visit Florida! Where open carry is coming soon!  Wear your weapon in public!  Take it to Dirty Dick's bar and grille and watch the possibly liberal waitstaff squirm.  It's fun to abuse 2nd Amendment rights and you can do that here!  (Unless, of course, you are Black, Latino, LGBTQ, Native American, or a female with a brain.) 

Now, I might be wrong here.  Perhaps the majority of these breakers breaking don't agree with our "rulers".  They probably just want to be warm and away from wherever they come from.  I hope that is the case.  But they need to keep in mind that Mother Nature herself is resisting fascist Florida, using any means possible to punish our expanding stupidity. From the insider.com website:

"A giant blob of seaweed called sargassum is on its way to the coast of Florida.  Pollution and warming temperatures are causing the algae to grow more quickly.  It can be seem from space and weighs about 13 million tons."

My favorite reaction to that news can be found in our satirical treasure, The Onion. On that site, the fictional average guy, Frank Galonski, Systems Analyst, opines “DeSantis will just make a big show of putting it on a bus to Washington.”   He probably will.

Visit Florida!  Where in-your-face evidence of our disregard for planet Earth is about to wreck your break!

Welcome to paradise, darling.  More than "woke" is about to die here.

Joyce