Irrelevant rules

 

Dear you,

Another spring break week in Seagrove Beach and the county is working hard to squelch reports of overcrowding, vandalism, and actual assaults.  They don’t want bad publicity. I can tell you Miami is not the only crime scene in Florida these days.  It has not been pretty in the panhandle.  But it seems hardly relevant considering the plight of others on Earth 1, desperate immigrants at our southern border, crisis in Ethiopia, Hong Kong fighting for its autonomy.  Yet here, irrelevancy rules. Today’s irrelevancies were brought to me by my condo HOA board; they just sent out an urgent email to owners re-emphasizing the rules for guests.  Here’s a select few:

PLEASE do not hang towels, swimsuits, etc. on patio or landing railings.  [But feel free to drunk-sit on balcony railings and projectile vomit on passing locals while doing so.  Just don’t give the owners who rent to you bad reviews online.]

Sunbathing should be confined to pool decks or balconies – not on grassy areas. [But you can set up a grill station, Karaoke stand, or toddler diaper changing/disposal area on any grassy area or any other place you choose. Just don’t give the owners who rent to you bad reviews online.]

Absolutely no pets are permitted in rental units. [However, your Uncle BoBo who likes to scream invectives against the government while he paces around the complex, armed, is welcome as are your children with behavior disorders.  Just don’t give the owners who rent to you bad reviews online.]

No motor homes, campers, trucks beyond pickup size, trailers or boats are allowed to be parked overnight. [Because it is all about SIZE, you know.  Don’t worry if your truck sounds like a jet taking off. But God forbid you bring your BOAT to the Florida coast. Just don’t give the owners who rent to you bad reviews online.]

Pools are closed after 10 PM.  [Ignore this rule unless Joyce comes down and tells you to get the fuck out.  Just don’t give the owners who rent to you bad reviews online.]

Irrelevant concerns.  Misdirected energy.  Perhaps my jotting these thoughts down is equally pointless.  So, I close for now.

Cheers to all this rainy Seagrove Beach day; come on down and bring your Uncle Bobo!

Love,

Joyce