Bad Pants

 

Dear you,

Juneteenth and Father’s Day, a combo weekend of looking back and looking forward while celebrating whatever the present is.  Before Juneteenth, I was thinking about labor again, prompted by constant complaints from our vacay crowds who slouch into Seagrove Beach relentlessly demanding service. There aren’t enough people to serve their food, clean their rentals, or ring up and stock product at stores they patronize.  I checked employment sites online to see what gigs were posted the most in my county. As expected, restaurant cooks, servers, bussers, hostesses and retail everything were in demand.  In the retail area, I saw a post by Lululemon, the infamous “yoga-inspired” athletic-wear company.  Our Lulu is west of me in Grayton Beach.  They need “educators”.  What?  Teachers?  Fitness trainers?  Why educators?

I found out.  This is yet another company with a hocus pocus mission.  Buy our stuff and be better.  Buy our stuff and be spiritual.  Buy our stuff and be John Galt, Ayn Rand’s model for self-interest.  The ad was long and filled with strange contradictions like this:

“You integrate fun and joy as a way of being and working (aka you don’t take yourself too seriously).”

“You lead with courage, knowing the possibility of greatness is bigger than the fear of failure.”

Okay.  The first descriptive wants the Lulu salesperson to be bubbly and chill; hey, we just sell stretch pants here so whatever.  But then the second suggests the Lulu salesperson should be like Rosa Parks or Ruth Bader Ginsburg, serious people doing serious things, not just sales pitching lycra.  When the ad is edited, the job comes down to this:  you must be available any day and any hour; you must render geisha-like customer service while answering phones, restocking, and cleaning out dressing rooms; you must man the point of sale device while doing all that; you must do inventory; you must close the store, open the store, clean the store (toilets too), and take out the trash; you must prepare garments for hemming and pinning etc., etc.

In other words, you are working retail darling. Where does the educating thing come into play?  Oh, here:

“You are an expert in creating world-class guest experience in our retail stores.  You deliver this experience by connecting with our guests, sharing top-quality product education, and speaking authentically about our community and culture.”

Okay.  Describe the stretch pants.  And testify about our “culture” like a cult member.

We really need to be freed from this kind of bullshit labor.  If you want to buy (or sell) a decent pair of stretch pants, you can get them at Walmart for less than $20; they will last a long time and the cashier who rings you out is now being paid a decent wage without having to speak big love for Wally.  Plus, she doesn’t have to clean the bathroom at closing. Or “lead with courage”.

Dear Lulu, leading with courage is something Juneteenth celebrants understand for real.  As do all our good fathers.  So, drop the act and own what you do.

You sell stretch pants.

Happy Juneteenth! Happy Father’s Day! (Even to the vacay dad I encountered yesterday who was flagrantly peeing in the parking lot.)

Love,

Joyce