Confusion, ball tanning and more!

 

Dear you,

I am confused about many things, but today I’ll focus on two “lite” sources of perplexity.

Confusing thing #1 – Ball tanning. Ball tanning is in the news, thanks to Tucker Carlson.  One of his culture wars obsessions is virility or, as he would claim, a virility crisis.  Men are becoming unmanly!  It’s a plot by the left!  His cure involves shining a red light down under.  He is not kidding.  Quote rollinstone.com, “As with many outlandish claims supported by no evidence, the notion that low-level laser therapy will increase testosterone and fertility is not new.  Red light therapy – or as the Hungarian scientists named it in 1967, photobiomodulation – is experiencing a renaissance in potential treatments for muscle recovery, depression, and wound healing, topics regularly discussed on far-right wellness podcasts with affiliates links to massage guns and infrared saunas.  Which naturally led some men to strip naked and point the light at their balls.”

Naturally.

Kinda like drinking Lysol or ingesting horse meds to fight Covid.

Naturally.

Take a mental picture of this.  These men are straddling a laser device and pointing the light at their balls. What is wrong with these people?  As far as I can tell, there are tons of men-on-top structures and assumptions that still dominate as norms.  So what is this panic all about? Why burn your balls?  Is it about me and people who think like me?  Are we destroying virility? Case in point, the local Thunder Beach Motorcycle Event taking place now in Panama City Beach and all along 30A.  I’ve been embedded in these events for years now, and I have NEVER EVER EVER seen this:

A female in front, driving the bike, with the dude in the back, arms wrapped around her waist.

Always, always, the girls are hanging on and out of control.  The exception is when two women are on the bike.  That seems to be accepted, sister and sister front to back on the Harley.  But even then, the picture mirrors the man-woman model.  Typically, the driving gal is bigger, butcher and the passenger gal is smaller and “fluffier” (more bedazzled touches on her denim or pageant hair blowing in the breeze).

Why is this the way it is?  Why do we women have to sit at the back of the bike? Tucker should take comfort in this gender norm.  No need to ball tan your average biker dude.  Unless he happens to be a Democrat.

Confusing thing #2 – DeSantis v. Disney, Disney potentially losing special business status.  Yes, Governor DeSantis is still on a roll finding ways to punish those who oppose his whims.  The latest I heard today is the legal challenge by Disney may be strong; #DeathSantis might lose this one.  However, I wondered about his counter moves.  If Disney keeps its status, will he attempt to spread the wealth and gift this to other, more Floriduh-conservative friendly theme parks?  Who will he choose?  His perfect candidate, Church of All Nations at Holy Land Experience.

Located in the Orlando area, the park/church/whatever opened as a Christian-based theme park.  It enjoyed a non-profit status and offered services, exhibits like a replica of ancient Jerusalem, activities for children and little theatrical events like reenactments of the crucifixion.  That sounds fun.  Anyway, this park closed in 2020, not due to Covid, just a loss of money. 

Hmmm, DeSantis might muse, the closure of a godly play space for my Christian supporters could be blamed on the left too.  They used their insidious Mickey to lure our children into the happiest place on Earth, i.e. their gateway to hell and grooming station supreme.  The power of this evil theme park overwhelmed the goodness of the Holy Land Experience!  I can bring them back, give them the special status and tax breaks they deserve!  I can give them incarcerated Floridians to use as free labor! And I can make their park even more competitive and holy by constructing a Ball Tanning Ride for the male customers!  Ball Tanning for Jesus! 

This is not really happening, but it is within the realm of the possible here in Florida, where confusion reigns supreme and biker chicks know their place.

So, I close this little diary-chat.  I hope you are confused by ball tanning and Governor DeSantis too.  If those two things ever make sense to you, call 911.

I wish you clarity!

Love,

Joyce